I hope you realize that “FABULOUS” is dripping with sarcasm 🙂 I actually feel half-way decent this morning, so I thought I’d give you an update.
I had my first ultra sound on Tuesday–always a little surreal to see another person inside of you. However, I did not get pictures 🙁 Why? Honestly, I have no idea. I didn’t really understand the reason the tech gave me other than, “I can’t…” something about it being a diagnosis…and she couldn’t tell me measurements, etc…whatever. Oh yeah, and the reception lady was too busy talking when I got there and took care of my paperwork but forgot to check me in on the computer; I had to sit and wait for a half-hour. I had drank 32 ounces of fluid like they told me. I was literally SHAKING while I was sitting there because I had to pee soooooooooo bad. Gotta love people–they never realize how bad it is when you really, really, really, really, really need to pee until it’s them. Anyways, looking at the Young Jedi (what we are calling this one until we know the gender), I thought it looked awfully similar to the u/s picture I posted of Ro, and that was at 12 weeks, so I hoped I was a little further along than we originally thought. And sometimes wishes do come true! When I called the OB’s office on Wednesday, the nurse confirmed that all looked good and my new due date is March 5th, putting me at 11 weeks instead of 10! Hooray! Woo Hoo! The first trimester is nearly over!!!
Now, some people read that and ask, “Why? What’s so bad about the first trimester?” No offense at all to those women, but these are the women who end up on the show I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant! and are put on the covers of pregnancy magazines because they are glowing and smiling, so excited to be pregnant. Other women read that and say, “I feel your pain. Hang in there, it’s nearly over.” This is the group I fall into. When I had my first official appointment with the nurse on Monday, per usual, she gave me the equivalent of a forest in paperwork, informational handouts, and magazines. I couldn’t help but laugh at the magazine covers–showcasing the women of the first group who look fantastic throughout their entire pregnancies. I don’t think it’s entirely fair–some of these magazines needs to depict pregnancy as it is for some women. I envision a cover that showcases a bathroom. There is a blanket and pillow on the floor. A bottle of Gatorade is on the sink counter along with a package of crackers. The pregnant woman is sitting on the floor, her head resting on her arm, which is draped around the toilet seat. She looks as though she’s been through a really rough workout (or is perpetually suffering from the world’s worst hangover), hair pulled back in a messy pony tail, strands of hair stuck to her face from the sweating. She’s wearing a crappy t-shirt and pair of big, comfy shorts. The expression on her face is one that conveys exhaustion, defeat, misery, and a little bit of “if you ask me one more time how I feel I may just have to come at you like a spider monkey” (that is, if she had the energy to move like that–it would probably be more like the stagger of a zombie). THIS is what the first trimester of pregnancy is to me.
Yes, I know, I said I didn’t want to be a whiny, complaining pregnant lady, but I am right now. Do I want to be? Honestly, no. But, this is life right now. It is all-consuming and ever-present. I know that I do not have it NEARLY as bad as some women, but I think we all get the right to complain a bit. After all, we’re the ones who lose complete control of our bodies for 9 months. Being pregnant isn’t all smiles and excitement, and it definitely isn’t easy.
I am also not going to be one of those women who lets ALL sense of decency out the window, so I will spare you some of the other not-so-fun issues that make the first trimester suck (if you’ve been pregnant, I’m sure you know…). But, there is one more thing that has kind of thrown me for a loop this time: the belly. I have pictures of my belly week-by-week from my first pregnancy, and I didn’t start to really look pregnant at all until about 13 or 14 weeks. This time, at 11 weeks, I look like I did at that point. I knew I would show sooner, this being my second pregnancy, but I didn’t think it would be this soon. I’m not upset, but I do feel slightly defeated. This is hard to admit because I am very sensitive about my body and weight–not that I have an eating disorder of any kind, more that I am a victim of the mass media and think I should look a certain way. It took over two years for me to loose my “Ro weight” and I still wasn’t completely satisfied. I was able to get back into all my size 8 clothes which was huge for me less because of the size and more because I finally had a bunch of “new” clothes to wear, but I still had the dreaded “muffin top” of flab and skin that needed to be toned up. Now I’m back to being at an “in between” stage, the clothes I was wearing being slightly too tight or not fitting at all, maternity clothes being too big, and my clothes for this stage being for much cooler weather…I want to say again that I am not upset, I just wasn’t ready to do this physical-change part yet. I’m looking at it as a blessing in disguise because I’m sure it would be even harder had I achieved the body I wanted, but I would have been in better shape overall and would probably feel a little better. I hope you can appreciate my honesty and don’t judge me too harshly.
As I said in my first post announcing our pregnancy, I am using the blog to document my experience: the good, the bad, and the ugly. And, above all, I want to be honest about it in the hopes that others can relate. Between the out of control hormones and the out of control physical changes and the out of control life changes that pregnancy brings, we ladies need to stick together and support one another, and that includes sharing our experiences.
So that’s where we are today, 11 weeks and 5 days in, about 198ish days to go. I’m at the point of having ok days and not so good days, but I’m down to puking about once a day in the morning, so that’s progress! I can’t wait for my energy to come back a bit because I have sooooooo much sewing I want to do and sooooooooo much I want to share with you. I mean, my two favorite holidays are approaching: Halloween and Christmas, that means LOTS of craftiness 🙂 And, as soon as Mother Nature decides to send the heat away and let the leaves change, I’ll be that much happier.
Thanks for reading, and I’m in the process of making a comeback 😉